She wrote: "My son was in a motorbike accident a while ago, but he's fine. We all got on with life, and I've been very productive at work (people commented on it), but a couple days ago I just started crying when someone asked me what I was doing for the weekend. I'm not sure why I started crying, and if there's something I should be doing?"
Her reading (intro etc snipped), with feedback in colour at the end:
While I was shuffling the cards for you, X, the Dreamer Queen fell out. So, I decided to use a spread I recently designed based around this card to look at your question.
|Tarot of the Sidhe ©Emily Carding|
On the surface, people probably see you as a happy family, with everything you need. You seem emotionally secure and happy. I also get the sense that you have a lot of support from friends and family, that people think you are lucky because you have loving people around you.
2) What do I look like underneath? - Warrior Five (Five of Wands)
Underneath, I get the sense that you feel very powerless. Although you have support, it may sometimes make you angry when people say you are lucky, or that you have it all. That support can feel restricting - how can you be angry or sad if you have so many people around caring for you? I also get the feeling that you may have felt angry with the medical professionals who treated your son - that they weren't giving you information, that you were locked out from knowing exactly what was going on. I wonder whether you felt that you should be doing something, but you just didn't know what? A feeling of being at cross-purposes with those around you, and of being blocked, come through strongly here.
3) What do I need to learn from this situation? Maker Princess - Gift of (Page of Pentacles)
I see several things here, X. Firstly, there is the fact that, no matter what age our child, they are still our baby, and there is something very primal about that. Take the time to acknowledge that, as a mother, you want to protect and shield your child, no matter that the problem may be something beyond your abilities to fix.
Secondly, as advice I see the suggestion to do something to express that mothering instinct. Can you make him his favourite meal, or spend some time together doing something you both enjoy? Having that time to nurture him and be with him may help give you the physical sense of being able to reach out and touch him, to reassure yourself that he's really there and really okay, and that you are taking care of him the best you can.
Finally, I wonder if there's some way that you can nurture yourself? Often, mothers are so busy taking care of others that they forget they need some care, too. Something like getting yourself a massage, or a manicure, something physical that will get you into your body while giving you a bit of a time out, might be helpful. A yoga or pilates class would also be great, if that's something you enjoy or would be willing to try.
I notice that it was an Air card that first jumped out at me (the Dreamer Queen), suggesting this spread. It also made me wonder, though, whether you tend to be quite rational: "Just have to get on with things." "Of course it makes sense to focus on work," that kind of thing? The cards that came up in the reading suggest that there may be a lot of emotion still inside you, both sadness and anger, and that dealing with them may take something physical - living it, rather than just intellectualising it.
I hope this reading feels helpful to you, X.
Thank you so much for this reading, N! It really touched on a few things that I've been feeling, but didn't really know what they were about. The sense of "I should think myself lucky because of the support around me" is something I've felt, for sure. Everyone was so good, I felt bad that I still felt ungrateful and angry. As for the doctors and that, I don't think I felt they were excluding me from information. Maybe more, it made me angry that they were so nice, but without actually being able to do much. Like this one doctor actually patted me on the hand because I was upset, and it made me cry more, and I just wanted her to not be so nice, so I could stay strong. I wanted to do something, not just cry. So, yeah, powerlessness.
I like you suggestion of spending some more time with Y, if I can get him to myself :/ And that last card made me smile, too, cos he just told me on Tuesday that his girlfriend is pregnant. I think that'll be really great, giving us a new little life to love and fuss over. So, I'll make sure and do plenty of (grand)mothering :)
Thanks again, X.
Hope you enjoyed this spread! If you try it out, do let me know what you think in the comments :) And if you'd like me to do this reading for you, go to my readings page and choose Short Readings → Customised Spread.