Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Wolves In the Broom Closet

©Lucy Cavendish & Jasmine Becket-Griffith
For my morning meditation, I pulled this card from the Oracle of the Shapeshifters (Blue Angel, 2011).  It really brought home to me some things about being in the broom closet, or just hiding your self in general.

What I see here is a woman in a beautiful evening gown, holding a red face mask.  However, she has let the mask drop, and although she is in the elegant civilisation of Venice, she is also surrounded by a pair of wolves.  It makes me think of the masks and costumes we assume in different areas of our lives - not just those who wear a uniform are "dressing up"!

On the one hand, the key phrase says, "You are far, far away from home."  Seeing the woman and her wolves, I have the sense that they should be off somewhere, running free, chasing rabbits, breathing in fresh air and following their bliss.  Instead, they are in a city, trying to fit in and pretend they are comfortable while the wolves' paws are scraped by hard asphalt and the woman must mask her true feelings.

On the other hand, though, there are advantages to being in the city.  For one thing, she's got a gorgeous dress ;)  Seriously, though, there are plenty of advantages to fitting in: earning a good living, being in community, mental stimulation, the internet...  And what also came to me during my meditation was, "There isn't that much empty countryside left."  I felt that more as a sense of having to accept what is.

Still, what I was left with was the questions: how can I make space for my wilder instincts, for my bliss, as well as for fitting in?  What would happen if I dropped my mask?

The latter is something someone asked me over on Youtube: what would happen if I came out of the broom closet?  My mother, despite having introduced me to witchcraft, and despite actually working in alternative health, still says she's frightened at the thought of my "coming out" in public.  Where I work is so rigid and narrow-minded, so traditional and provincial, so scientific and male-dominated!

Yet, what of following my bliss, or just being my self?  Those wolves need to run free every now and again!  Perhaps this blog is, in itself, a way for them to come out and play.  And maybe I need to find other places where I can be a bit more me.

When we hide our true self from others, we also hide it from ourselves.  We need to come home to that self, to honour it and allow it to shine.  I imagine the woman in the card ripping off that lovely dress and shifting into her four-pawed form. She'd lift her head to howl a welcome to the night, and run til there was nothing but the beat of blood in her veins and the scent of her fellow wolves in her nose!  How good would that feel?  I think I need to give it a try...

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