I shuffled and shuffled, focusing my intent, and then started looking through the deck to find the Empress. As I got closer and closer to the bottom of the pack I thought: "What if she's the very bottom card? Then I'll only have one other card to read with her. And what does it say: that she's the furthest thing from my awareness, what I can see least clearly?"
Imagine my delight *super-sarcastic-face* when not only was the Empress the bottom card, but the card next to her was Death!
That bit about being unable to see the Empress clearly certainly chimes true: I'm a little too close to this to read it with any kind of confidence. I came up with three different readings:
1) "I need to mourn and let go of past pains before I will be ready to have another child." Probably true. Doesn't mean I'll be able to have a child once I'm ready, I just mean ready on an emotional level.
2) "I need to let go of the hope that I can have another child, that part of me is dead. Instead, I should focus on different avenues of creativity." Not an idea that delights me, but one which time will tell the merit of.
3) "I need to let go of one of the projects I'm working on at the moment before I will once again feel creative." Also possible. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed of late, not exactly conducive to imaginative work.
I guess I should act as though 1 and 3 are true, as they both hold suggestions of what I can do to help myself move to a more creative, open place. And 2 I'll just have to live with. Maybe I'll know next week, maybe I'll know next year :/