Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Gossamer Relationship Reading

©Lucy Cavendish & Selina Fenech
My card for today's meditation, from the Wild Wisdom of the Faery Oracle (Blue Angel, 2009) was the Gossamer Princess, who speaks of communication, and relationship work needing doing.  I enjoyed my meditation, but didn't feel anything especially insightful came out of it, though plenty of reinforcement of what I know.

In fact, I've been feeling that my DH and I are doing fairly well in the relationship stakes at the moment.  Respecting one another's needs, making space for quality time together, being playful and honest, sharing interests and also allowing the other to have their own friends and hobbies.

Still, no relationship is ever perfect, or static.  We have to stay aware of what is going on, and make changes as required.  So, I decided to design a relationship spread based on this card.  I thought of the strength of gossamer, and also its delicate fragility, and noted the butterflies around the Gossamer Princess.  Then I asked the Tarot of the Sidhe (Schiffer, 2011):
Cards ©Emily Carding

1)  What makes our relationship strong?  Dancer Five - Where Loss Resides

Our relationship has been strengthened by the loss and heartache we have been through together.  This really chimes with me.  There are two ways that relationships can go when there's a big problem: they get stronger or they fall apart.  We've faced some really tough times, and supported one another through them.  Our relationship would not be what it is without the losses we have dealt with together.

2)  In what way is our relationship delicate?  Dancer Six - Born of Joy

This card really resonates with me, as well.  It came up in my reading on eating, and made me think about our son, and our current decision to have fertility treatments to try and have another child.  I didn't mention that part of my interpretation at the time, as it is a subject that feels really personal.  Still, it's what I see here, so I'm not going to sidestep it any more.

My husband and I have very different feelings about this.  Not that he is pro and I am against, it's not that simple.  More that he is very certain that it's the right path, whereas I am very uncertain.  I have a lot of worries and concerns about how it will affect our son, and myself, as well as being rather scared of all the prodding and poking this kind of medical intervention implies.  This has been the major source of disagreement and lack of communication between us in recent months.

3)  What needs to change?  Warrior King - Gift of Glory

What I see here is that we need to stop feeling like this Warrior King.  Neither of us can get on our high horse about this, nor be convinced of our absolute rightness.  There is no right or wrong here, no forcing our view on the other.  We have to learn to accept each other's perspective and once again support each other, as we did with our previous big heartache.  Even when we don't agree, we need to try to see the other's point of view and maintain some emotional closeness, finding a compromise, a way forward that is nurturing to both.

I've been feeling like I'm being pushed into this decision, and maybe I need to take back a bit of my own power.  Not that I should force my choice on him, either, but make a claim for a bit of give and take, and the need to at least be heard.

This is something we've been working on, but we clearly still have a way to go...


  1. This is a very thoughtful and honest relationship reading. I am shy about relationship stuff on the internet--I tend to delete it. Teehee. But I love that you posted yours. The dynamic you mentioned about your husband being a lot more sure about the step to do fertility treatments vs. you feeling more reticent may be what the cards are pointing to with the communication stuff.

    Communicating very honestly with yourself and your husband about that may end up giving you some very interesting food for thought. I know I had a rather painful experience with this last year. I wasn't going to do fertility treatments, but it was a similar topic. After having one child with health issues (my daughter) we mutually decided to not have another child where we once were more certain of having two. My husband seemed more certain of having the vasectomy than I did, but I felt like it was the right thing to do even though I felt really sad about it. I still wonder whether I made the right decision. I keep thinking maybe I overreacted--but vasectomy reversals are expensive and not always effective, and the older I get the more nervous I get about potential complications.

    I think this is a hard topic for anyone is what I am saying--it makes sense to be nervous! Plus it's your body that gets the treatments. I am sure you'll make the right decision, although I am beginning to understand that there IS not one right decision. There are only reactions to decisions. I think me poorly reacting to decisions have made bigger problems by far than the decisions themselves.

    Excuse the long ramble. This makes me think, again, about the pros and cons of having one child versus having multiple kids. I come from a family where the women all have multiple children. My mom had 5, several of her siblings had 4-5. I always knew I wouldn't do that but I guess I am still surprised that I only have one child. But the more I think about it the more it makes sense.

    I hope you find some peace of mind with this topic!


    1. Hi Magic Mentha,

      I know what you mean about being shy with relationship stuff on-line. Still, this is my "broom closet" blog, which I guess means I feel a little freer to post this kind of thing...

      It sounds like you and your husband had to make some really tough choices, too. I can imagine how difficult that was - it feels so final! I guess in your case, at least the person whose body was going to be affected was the same one who felt certain about it ;D Still, it obviously affects you, too. I hope you have reconciled to the choice, at least for now?

      Your comment on reactions to decisions is so true! However, it's pretty hard to completely control your reactions, especially with very emotive decisions. I hope you can give yourself the benefit of the doubt - that you did the best you could at the time :)


  2. Wow. This was very open and very hard to read. I was never blessed with children of my own body (I have amazing kids through another relationship). I had two partners and neither of them wanted to explore fertility treatments. I felt so betrayed by them both. Neither relationship lasted. Ouch. Thanks though. Needed to dig that up, I guess. :D

    1. Hi Arwen,

      It's strange, somehow I never thought someone else might find this hard to read, go figure. Yet I can really hear what you say: not having your desire and need acknowledged felt like a betrayal. Thank you, it gives me an added perspective on my DH's point of view - he has said that if we didn't try this, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

      I'm really glad you now have great kids, and sorry that those past partners didn't offer you more love and respect. And so impressed that with everything that has happened you still insist on seeking joy :)

      Love and Light,