I drew the Warrior Ten card (equivalent to the Ten of Wands), subtitled "The Great Task".
|©Emily Carding - Tarot of the Sidhe|
What I see here is that to find my balance I need to focus on a single task - with the obvious question being: what is the most important task in my life at this time? And there's no doubt there: it's doing my best for the baby in my belly!
I have been told that I have a high risk of miscarriage, which means I'm now taking three different medications on a daily basis, and spent five hours being transfused with immunoglobulin last week - not painful, just boring. They say I may need to do that another three times over then next few months... It all feels so medical, so clinical - so little to do with the natural act of giving birth.
I feel the weight of the world on me - if I make the wrong choices, it could kill my baby :( Instead, I want to find a balance between the medical world and the more natural remedies and methods that are closer to my heart.
It's not just about the injections, the scans, and the tests, though. I recognise the importance of my mindset, about making this baby a priority, and doing everything I can to be in a good place, physically, mentally and spiritually, for it.
That means accepting that I won't workout as much as I normally would, that I may need to change the kind of exercise that I do. And that I won't be able to do all the projects I would otherwise do. I don't think I will go back to my second job, which I had taken time off from over the summer. It can wait until after the baby is born. I am determined to meditate more, which has fallen by the wayside the last week with all this medical stress.
In all these ways, I try to balance my normal tendencies with what is best to help bring this baby into the world - from hope to reality.