Saturday, 8 September 2012

Focus

To explore the Chariot's influence in my life at this time, I decided to draw a single card to answer: "What will help balance me, allowing me to move forward?"

I drew the Warrior Ten card (equivalent to the Ten of Wands), subtitled "The Great Task".

©Emily Carding - Tarot of the Sidhe

What I see here is that to find my balance I need to focus on a single task - with the obvious question being: what is the most important task in my life at this time?  And there's no doubt there: it's doing my best for the baby in my belly!

I have been told that I have a high risk of miscarriage, which means I'm now taking three different medications on a daily basis, and spent five hours being transfused with immunoglobulin last week - not painful, just boring.  They say I may need to do that another three times over then next few months...  It all feels so medical, so clinical - so little to do with the natural act of giving birth.

I feel the weight of the world on me - if I make the wrong choices, it could kill my baby :(  Instead, I want to find a balance between the medical world and the more natural remedies and methods that are closer to my heart.

It's not just about the injections, the scans, and the tests, though.  I recognise the importance of my mindset, about making this baby a priority, and doing everything I can to be in a good place, physically, mentally and spiritually, for it.

That means accepting that I won't workout as much as I normally would, that I may need to change the kind of exercise that I do.  And that I won't be able to do all the projects I would otherwise do.  I don't think I will go back to my second job, which I had taken time off from over the summer.  It can wait until after the baby is born.  I am determined to meditate more, which has fallen by the wayside the last week with all this medical stress.

In all these ways, I try to balance my normal tendencies with what is best to help bring this baby into the world - from hope to reality.

6 comments:

  1. Hug!

    A very thoughtful post. I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and I applaud you for doing your best to work with the situation you have.

    It's interesting hearing stories of mothers about their pregnancies--it seems like things are never quite as we imagine them, but our love for the babies and their interests are always there!

    I send you happiness and healing in your meditation, and hoping that you get some relief with the setting of priorities.

    XOXO,
    MM

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    1. You're quite right, MM, pregnancy and motherhood is never as easy as we might expect for something so "natural" :( Be it problems breastfeeding, or morning sickness, or illness, it's always complicated. Ah, well, such is life...

      Thanks for the happiness and healing!
      XOXO,
      Kerry

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  2. Do take care of yourself! I'm wishing for the very best. :-)

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  3. May your meditations bring you deeply in touch with your body and the universal mind.

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    1. Thank you, Carla. I am certainly giving it a good go - all my meditations this week have been on the baby and on universal energy :)

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