Friday, 15 March 2013

Releasing the Poison

This morning I once again drew a line of three from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004), asking for a spiritual focus for the day.  What I got, though, surprised me: Storks + Mice + Garden.

©Fiechter & Trösch
What I saw in this line was that I am being tainted by how changes I am making are being received by my community.  This is something I've journaled about privately several times before.  I was disturbed by the fanaticism and lack of acceptance I have faced for expressing my spirituality and creativity.  And also by the depth of anger that I have felt about it, which eats away at me and disturbs my sleep.  I've done readings on this before, but nothing really felt clear for me.

Today, though, I thought to ask: are these changes good/worthwhile?  If not, after all, why am I buying myself so much trouble?  The answer I received was Clouds + Scythe:

©Fiechter & Trösch
In this I see, firstly, the fact that this spiritual and creative expression has been helping me to cut the clouds of depression I have felt drawing in.  Secondly, that in expressing this openly I have been slicing through black-and-white thinking.  It might not be a comfortable place to be, still I don't want to live surrounded by fanaticism.  I may not be making a big difference, but even small differences count.

With this reading, I may finally be reconciled to this path.  Though I will certainly still face censure and criticism, I feel more confident now that what I'm doing is alright.  Not "right", because that is black-and-white, but alright.  It may not change the world, but it's a small cry for freedom, for openness, for being able to express my pagan beliefs in the face of other's fixed ideas, of being willing to think outside the box.  I think I can live with that :)

4 comments:

  1. Excellent reading...and I am very sorry to hear about the close-minded and persecuting responses...ack!!!

    I can't imagine why people do that, but it's out there and many people have this experience. I am sure that as I get more comfortable opening up about things I will have this experience more and more. Not looking forward to it, but authenticity is very important.

    Much Love,
    MM

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    1. Another friend said they thought that kind of close-minded response comes from a place of fear - it's too scary to think about being different. Talking with him was interesting, I realised that these people are saying they're white and I'm black (or whichever way you want your extremes), but I want to be pink and blue and yellow and purple ;D Hope you don't have to face too much of this, if you do start coming out more, MM :)

      Much love,
      K

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  2. I sympathize and support you in this, Kerry.

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    1. Thank you, Zanna! It's been really helpful knowing that not everyone thinks "different" is automatically "bad" :)

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