Anyway, after chanting and meditating, I decided to draw some cards for a spiritual focus, as has been my practice of late. The line of three I pulled from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) was Bear, Book and Lilies.
|©Fiechter & Trösch|
|©Cavendish & Fenech|
At first glance, she seems weak and vulnerable, and the word 'adrift' suggests being lost, out of control. How can this be my hidden strength? And yet, being able to allow that kind of vulnerability, trusting in a higher force to ensure that we are alright even when not in total control, that takes a certain kind of strength. A strength of faith, a willingness to just be.
It made me think of the High Priestess from Rachel Pollack's Shining Tribe Tarot. I have meditated with her many times in the past, feeling myself float on the water, listening to the sounds of the sea. Sitting and om-ing, I was drawn back to that memory again, the oms sounding like a foghorn guiding ships into harbour, or like the heartbeat of the universe, constant and steady.
Perhaps I do have the strength to let go, to allow myself to float a while. To trust that I am safe, held in the embrace of the Goddess, carried by the heartbeat of the universe. Just yesterday I was talking with a friend about how, even when my DH and I have some respite time from our disabled son, I still check in with texts, I still worry. Being a parent, I feel like even if I'm not there, the ultimate responsibility lies with me. Yet, it's important to let go of our burdens sometimes, even if just for a few hours.
This is definitely a tough one for me. I'm a bit of a control freak in many ways. Yet, the cards say that I have the strength to do this, so I shall try. It would do me good to release the stress, to allow that kind of vulnerability, to allow others to take care of me and mine for a little while...