Last week, I wrote about a ritual Carla at Rowan Tarot suggested for releasing fears. After blogging, I wrote down my fears, focused on them, and let them go. On Friday, I drew some cards from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) on what I should know for the Bank Holiday weekend.
Although I planned to draw three cards, my normal practice is to fan the cards, then close my eyes as I draw them. When I opened my eyes, I realised that the centre card was actually two cards. Straight away, I moved the top one over the other three, without having turned them over to see what they were.
Here, I see the Cross above as the theme for the reading, pointing to both the burden my fears had been, and the faith that allowed them to be released. Then, Stars, Child and Birds say that a new clarity will allow me to speak in a way that dispels anxiety (both talking and anxiety are associated with the Birds, in the same way that both faith and burdens are with the Cross).
This certainly rang true for the weekend. On Friday, I talked to my DH about one of the fears that had been most upsetting me, which was to do with several things he had said. He stated that he hadn't meant them in that way, and that he will try to be more mindful about how he expresses things (he can be very absolutist and rigid, sometimes). Then, on Saturday, we talked about another of my fears, in the light of a social engagement we had planned. Once again, talking it through was really helpful. However, I don't think I would have been able to talk about these things if it hadn't been for a session with my therapist on Thursday.
One of the things I always worry about in terms of talking things through is that I will say something too angrily, and so make it hard for the other to hear the pain and the reality to me of what I'm saying. I did a fair bit of swearing in my therapy session, as well as clarifying exactly what was bothering me, and I think that really helped when it came to the actual conversations - in which there was no swearing ;)