Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Clarity

Yesterday, I didn't get round to meditating til after my son was in bed - it had been a long, hard day.  I drew three cards to ask for a spiritual focus, and drew Stars, Ship and Lily.  Here they are from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).



The overarching message I see is that clarity and a plan (Stars) in a spiritual journey or a given venture (Ship) brings peace (Lily).  This applies to several things.  

Firstly, there's the question of meditating itself.  Eowyn talked in a couple of recent posts (here and here) about the monkey mind and troubles staying focused during meditation, as well as her intention to keep her chanting to the same intonation and rhythm.  It wasn't something I'd consciously thought about, but when chanting Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svaha, every now and again I would just chant Om Tare for a couple of mala beads.  I went and checked it out, and Deva Premal does just that on her "Embrace" album.  So, am I naturally throwing them in at a musically appropriate time, or just when my mind wanders?  I decided to try likewise to keep to the full chant for the entire mala, and although there were a couple of times both yesterday and this morning when I almost stopped at Om Tare, I caught myself and completed each repetition.  Will this bring me greater peace?  We'll see... 

Secondly, there is my son's health.  After meditating on these cards yesterday, at dinner my DH and I talked a lot and formulated a plan for different doctors to approach, and what to ask each one.  It feels good to have a plan.  I sometimes worry that I am a bad mother, focusing on other things, not doing as much for him as I could/should.  Perhaps strangely, in my meditation this morning I ended up crying about this.  I normally expect myself to cry more when I'm tired, which I still am.  Maybe I didn't cry yesterday because I was simply too exhausted, whereas today I'm just tired enough to be delicate...  Anyway, I tried to visualise a lotus blossom opening at my heart, filling me and the world with Tara's compassion.  Compassion for my son, myself, my family and friends, people I don't like so much, and the rest of the world.  I had to keep coming back to the visualisation, but I did feel calmer by the end.  Perhaps actually painting the Lily will help with the visualisation...

Finally, there's one of the work projects I've been struggling with because of its size.  Yesterday, I decided to make it a little more tangible (based on my reading on Saturday).  And that actually made it clearer, which I hope will help me to move forward with renewed passion on it.  So, the passion as well as the peace side of the Lily, as I'll feel more relaxed once I get this done.

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