Sunday, 9 June 2013

Gemini New Moon Reading

I've been really enjoying the practice of doing a reading for each new moon!  So, with the new moon in Gemini, my natal month, I gave it another go.  After another chant meditation in which I visualised my son surrounded by a golden light, I drew two cards to look at what I need to release, and what I should embrace during this lunation.  The deck used, once again, is the wondrous Tarot of the Sidhe (Schiffer, 2011) by Emily Carding.

What I need to release:  The Sun

This card certainly chimes with my last new moon reading, where I was told to embrace Winter's Bite (Maker Five from the Tarot of the Sidhe).  When I looked at this card, I started hearing an Alanis Morissette song in my head, Utopia.  What I need to let go of is a utopian idea of what happiness should look like.  

This makes me think of a CBT technique in which you're supposed to think about what things would be like if you achieved something you are working towards, to picture it in detail.  How would you know if you had made it?  For me, though, it's that I need to let go of that image, that picture of what my family should be, how I should be, what happiness is.  And that's a hard one!  

I'm not sure what to do to be able to let go.  Should I do a ritual, cast a spell, visualise being happy in a future where my son is still ill, I can never sleep, and I can't go back to work because he's always getting ill and needs me home?  Bah!


What I should embrace: Dancer Three - Jubilance.

Well, okay, there's an answer to my questions!  What I should do is embrace the small joys in life; the friends around me, the feel of the sun on my face, the pretty colours, the stars and the rain.  Once again, it's one of those answers that I already know, but that never seems that easy.  Just embrace the present moment, appreciate the joys of the everyday, yadda yadda.  How do I actually do that?  Do I write a reminder to myself that will pop up on my phone every hour "Be In The Moment", and another on the half hour "Seek Joy!".  Well, maybe that isn't such a crazy-a**e idea...

Okay, I decided to draw a line of five on this, and the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) cards are: Woman, Paths, Birds, Sun, Fish.



Ha, that's gotta be some kind of irony: the Sun being in my Lenormand line, too!  Anyhow, what I see here is a need to talk things through, to try to make some choices (Paths).  Perhaps, too, that every step we take in life is a choice: a choice to remain isolated (Woman), or to talk (Birds).  And that happiness will be found in the flow of the everyday, in exchanges with others (Sun, Fish).  This, together with the Dancer Three card, highlights the importance of being able to communicate with friends.  I've been doing a fair bit of that, between this blog and meeting up with two friends in the last two day.  I guess I'll just have to make it a priority for the whole of this lunation :)

5 comments:

  1. Maybe you don't have to be aware you're embracing the small joys in order to embrace them. I mean, you don't have to say, right, I am going to wash these dishes and embrace the joy of it. But if you are there in the moment, looking at the dishes, feeling the warm water, smelling the lemony soap, and feeling satisfied at the stack of clean dishes when you're done, you've embraced the joy of that moment. And if when washing the dishes you find yourself worrying or thinking about something other than the dishes, if you just return your awareness to the dishes, you will be embracing the joy of that moment. :) Have you read Thich Nhat Hanh? 'Breathing in, I dwell in the present moment. Breathing out, I know it is a wonderful moment.' x

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  2. In general, I agree, Eowyn. And I do try to be mindful when doing things. However, I have trouble with the buddhists in a number of ways - witness last week's issue over 'pain' and 'suffering'. My DH meditates with Thich Nhat Hanh regularly, and I've listened to and read some of Pema Chodron's writing, as well.

    However, there are large chunks of my day, and more especially night, where I really don't feel there's anything wonderful to the present moment. A snapshot of my experience of 3am-5am this morning, and many other mornings...

    PTSD symptoms from five years of fear and disturbed nights giving me adrenaline shots at 3am as I listen to my son in the next room struggling to breathe.
    Fighting my son to not let him hurt me or himself or have him choke on his own vomit at 3.45am.
    Lying in his bed at 4.20am trying to get him back to sleep while smelling the puke and sh*t from various incidents in the previous half hour as he rocks around digging an elbow into my boob and slapping me in the face with a flailing hand.

    So, I sometimes fail to find any redeeming feature at all in the present moment. More like, 'Breathing in, I dwell in sh*t. Breathing out, I know this moment is sh*t.'

    Sorry, it's been a bad day/week/year. But this isn't just about worrying or thinking about other stuff rather than being present. To me, this is about physical symptoms of a stressed out nervous system, exhaustion, hopelessness, helplessness, and sometimes not being sure that life is worth living at all. Distracting myself by thinking about other things - tarot decks, for instance - is a way I help get myself through without exploding/imploding.

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  3. Everything I write seems inadequate. I have no business commenting on your life, what do I know, what can anyone know of your experience? I offer you what I have, my concern and my support and all the good energy I can muster to send your way. Namaste...and *big hugs*

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    1. Ha, here I am thinking I should remove my comment, and you remove yours. As you said, that present moment, wonderful moment is something of a trigger for me, and not just having you say it. So, apologies for the rant.

      I know your comment came from a place of kindness, and I do try to be mindful in other bits of my life, but some bits I just want to escape sometimes.

      Thank you for the concern, support and good energy, and (((big hugs))) to you, too!

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