Thursday, 25 July 2013

Compassion and Fear

Today, I returned to half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum and a full mala to Yemaya, but chanted in the fuller, more resonant way.  My mind wandered to strange places as I chanted, remembering people and situations from my school days.  I think that was triggered by seeing an old school friend last week, whom I hadn't seen in over twenty years!

There was something to my thoughts about being known, and accepted, and showing compassion to others.  I felt bad about a time I asked one guy why he didn't go and find some people who actually liked him!?  Pretty rich from someone who was always an unpopular swot, but I really meant it in a kind way: someone will like you, but it's not us.  Before you think I'm a total bitch, he was behaving inappropriately towards a bunch of girls, pushy, unpleasant and rude.  Still, in my meditation I felt compassion for him: I think he'd been to a boys school up til then, and just hadn't learned to talk with girls.

Later, I decided to draw some cards, and pulled out my Mystical Kipper (Königsfurt-Urania, 2007) for a change.


Yuck, what a line-up!  Here we have A Short Illness, Theft, and Prison.  When I first saw them, I thought about my son going into hospital next week, and how that would steal my freedom and my me-time.  Talking it over with a friend later (the hospital visit as opposed to the cards), I realised how upset I am about it for quite different reasons. 

Depending on how the operation goes, they have said he'll have to be in hospital between 1 and 3 nights.  Far worse, though, is that if there are complications they'll put him in an intensive care unit.  The problem with that is it would be a closed ward, so I wouldn't be able to stay with him overnight, and would be restricted even in the times I could visit him.  Not fun for any child to be in pain, in an unknown place with strangers.  Worse yet for him, as he's non-verbal.  It's unlikely most of the nurses will know the sign language he uses, so he won't be able to communicate at all!  Imprisoned, with even his ability to make himself understood stolen away :(

Hopefully, it won't come to that!  The only comfort I draw from the cards is that the first says a SHORT Illness. So, I pray he'll be back home quickly )O(

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear of your son's difficulties, and i hope very much he doesn't have to go into intensive care, but if he does, surely he will be sedated to the point he won't really be very aware of what's going on around him. There is that, at least. *hug*

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    1. I don't know, because they would send him there for breathing issues, he wouldn't necessarily be sedated. They want to sedate him as little as possible, as it also interferes with breathing *doh* Ah well, fingers crossed it doesn't come to that!

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  2. Sending loving thoughts and swift resolutions to you and your son. Maybe the last two cards mean getting away from the institution quickly! That would be a great interpretation...

    Hugs,
    MM

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    1. Yeah, I like that interpretation, stealing out of prison :)
      Hugs,
      Kx

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