Thursday, 29 August 2013

Uncertain Times

This morning I meditated again, chanting the Goddess chant and thinking of a prayer to each Goddess while I chanted.  I also did a reading with the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004), which made a lot of sense to me.

Bear, Lily, Clouds - meditative strength helps in times of uncertainty.  I'm feeling a bit nervous today, between a work deadline for the end of the month and some news I'm expecting in the next couple of days.  This draw reminds me that taking time to meditate is especially important at these times, even if I do feel stressed and with limited time.  I also see in this that meditating is better than comfort-eating when things are unclear, a message I shall try to keep in mind!

Sunday, 25 August 2013

New Project in the Pipeline

Well, my weekend with friends certainly helped my meditation mojo, I haven't missed another day so far :)  On Thursday and Friday I chanted to the Goddess, on Saturday I chanted to Ganesha, and on Sunday I chanted to Yemaya.  It was a lovely, mostly relaxing time, with plenty of card readings, good food, some yoga and a little ritual.

On these weekends, I generally take cards, and we have group conversations around what comes out.  One I did for myself used a Horseshoe Spread to look at a work project, the idea for which I've been tossing around for a while, but which I feel I'm ready to move from the drawing board to the execution phase.

The positions are: past, present, upcoming future, action to take, external influences, hopes and fears, and potential outcome.

The Six of Swords in the past speaks to me of how I came up with the idea for this: it served as a way of escaping other worries and stresses in my life.  In the present, the Hermit says that I am still looking inward to find the right way to do things.  As the upcoming future, the Eight of Pentacles says it's very nearly time to get to work and actually start making this idea into a reality.  That's backed up by the Ace of Wands in the action to take position: time to take up the baton and get things moving!  In the external influences spot, the Five of Wands makes a lot of sense.  This project is going to put a few noses out of joint.   However, the Eight of Swords in the hopes and fears position reminds me not to let my fear of other people's judgements paralyse me, and recommends that I turn my attention inward, rather than listening to the criticisms.  Finally the Page of Pentacles says this project is ready to step out into the light of day, and that I will learn plenty of practical things in the process.  Also, that it may be a small step in a good direction financially :)

It was useful for me to talk through the criticism I know this project will face, and how to deal with it.  And I love that there are a couple of "get going" cards here.  I won't be able to make a start for another three or four days.  Still, given that this is a project that will take a good six months to bring to completion, I think I can live with that :D

Thursday, 22 August 2013


This week, once again I've missed meditating two days already.  It was nice to get back to it this morning, with my Goddess chant.  I also drew a card from the Oracle of the Shapeshifters (Blue Angel, 2012).

Ha, 'The Black Cat: Lost magick, atonement, rebalance': spot on!  I feel I've lost my meditation mojo.  What to do about it, though?  I see in the Black Cat a witch's familiar, and the advice to draw on the energy and support of those who walk this path with me.

I haven't had as much time as usual to read fellow spiritual bloggers, between my son's operation and a work deadline still hanging over me.  And yet, I need to make time for that sense of spiritual connection and support. 

On the upside, this weekend I'm meeting up with my former coven mates, so I hope that will help recharge my spiritual batteries.  We've performed a lot of rituals together over the years, meditated together often, and I feel it will be a wonderful chance to reconnect with them, myself, and spirit :)

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Where Do I Put My Energy?

I've not done great on my meditating this week, having skipped three days.  In fact, that's the worst I've done in terms of consistency since mid-April.  However, when I sat on my bolster this morning, none of that mattered, as I had a powerful experience during my Goddess chant, calling on each Goddess in turn to help support me and my son on our hospital trip tomorrow.  I cried a little at one point, then felt buoyed and strong as I called on different Goddess aspects.  Isis, for her determination to look after those she loves, Tara for her compassion, Oya for her clarity and focus, Brigid for her healing powers, Cerridwen for her willingness to accept the cycles of life, Hekate for her ability to guard the spirits of soul's in transit, Kali for her strength in conquering fears, Durga for her boundary-setting, and Yemaya for deep nurturing.

When I drew three cards, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004), they made me think firstly about my not having meditated very consistently this week.

I read this as saying that I should let my energy flow to where it is guided, even if that is simply work.  And this week, the reason I didn't meditate was because my energy was on some work deadlines, as well as an exciting new project (well, it's been on the back burner for a while, but has been pulled to the fore now).

However, it could also be read as finding the clarity to balance joy and work.  I don't think I've done too badly on that, overall.  Yet, I do consider meditation important, and am disappointed that I let it slip a bit this week.  There's also something there about the joy of work, and being guided to the work that brings me most joy.  Not always a good idea, as there are often other factors, like deadlines and other people's needs.  I didn't do as well on that front, following my passion more than my rational priorities this week.  Ah, well, balance is a process, not a place!

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Worries and Chants

Since my last post, I've continued chanting the Nine Goddess chant, and I'm really enjoying it.  I try to visualise each Goddess as I chant her name.  And the more I do it, the easier it is to remember which order I have them in: Isis, Tara, Oya, Brigid, Cerridwen, Hekate, Kali, Durga, Yemaya.  I didn't chant or meditate on Monday, as my son had a really bad night and I was exhausted.  Every other day, though, it's been a lovely practice.

Today, I also decided to draw some cards to look at my worries about my son going into hospital for an operation.  I asked what would help me cope, and the answer from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) was helpful.  I drew three cards from a fan, and after I'd done so, one more card was out on it's own.  When I scooped the cards back up, it ended up at the bottom of the deck, and I felt drawn to place it underneath the others as a final message.

What I see in this is that I have no control over whether or not his operation will go ahead - Paths undermined by Mice - and that I just need to trust that things will work out one way or another (the Key suggests success, but doesn't say when).  The Stars are a message of hope, and also a reminder to stay clear, to see what I can influence and what I have to accept as being written in the stars, beyond my control.  I also see the line of three talking about my worries, those invisible, undermining critters, and how I feel I should make decisions and take action.  Yet, the Stars also advise that I trust in science.  A different perspective, though with a similar message :)

Friday, 9 August 2013

White Lies

Yesterday, I chanted a full mala to Yemaya.  I also rearranged my altar a little, as I wanted to use the Oracle of the Mermaids deck (Blue Angel, 2013), from which I'd taken the Yemaya card.  So, I replaced her with Isis from my favourite Goddess Oracle (Marashinsky & Janto).  However, today when I sat at the altar, seeing different goddesses on it encouraged me to change my chant.  I chanted a full mala of a sanskrit Goddess chant, where you chant the Goddess' name 12 times in varying melodies, each time followed by 'ma'.  I chose nine Goddesses to include: Isis and Tara (both on my altar); Oya, Brigid, Cerridwen and Hekate (who I call on for the quarters); Kali and Durga (for the strength to maintain boundaries); and Yemaya :)

I also drew three cards from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004), including the four extra cards published separately, but which match.

Fox, Angel, Mountain
The first thing that popped into my head was: when caught between a rock and a hard place, call on your angels.  The second thing that came to me, a more traditional Lenormand reading, was: angelic deception causes barriers.  The two go together in some ways: that rock and hard place may have been created by our own white lies.

A few weeks ago, Arwen talked about how she considers truth sacred.  My own approach is a little more flexible.  Just as I wouldn't make love to my DH in public, so there are other things that I also don't choose to share in public.  I rarely outright lie, but I do keep some things private when I can.  Just today, I was faced by this dilemma in trying to increase my social networking.  The software wouldn't let me link up my blog with my official page, only with my personal page, which I don't want to do.  This isn't just about the personal page, though, it's about how I try to keep my life compartmentalised, how I'm still in the broom closet.  And that is becoming harder and harder with the way so many sites these days want to link everything up.

What it comes down to, I guess, is that lies, even white lies like, "No, I'm not on Facebook," create barriers.  And that's not always a bad thing: sometimes I'd like a barrier between myself and someone I don't necessarily like or trust fully.  So, it's more about recognising and accepting those barriers, choosing where you want them, being aware of why they feel necessary.  And sometimes they may block me from something or someone that I would rather get closer to.  Still, that's a risk I take.

There's something there, too, about acknowledging that sometimes those barriers may fall, accidentally or on purpose, and being aware of what the consequences might be, and whether I can live with them....

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

New Moon Reading

Last night was the New Moon, and so, as is my practice, I drew two cards from Emily Carding's Tarot of the Sidhe (Schiffer, 2011) to look at what I need to release and what I need to embrace over the coming lunation.  My answer was that I need to release the Tower, and embrace the Empress!

It's funny, this is actually my favourite Tower card ever, one of the few I'm not sad to see!  I love the image of a woman breaking out of a pretty-but-rigid outer self, finding herself somewhat vulnerable, but also strong and able to fly under it all.   Yet, juxtaposed with the Empress, what I see is that I need to let go of having to be strong, and allow myself to be nurtured.   There is something there, too, about letting go of having to deal with things that feel shattering, and finding time for creativity.

This makes a lot of sense to me.  It's been quite a tough few weeks, between hospital appointments for my son and deadlines for work.  Hopefully, over the next four weeks I can take things a bit easier, and focus more on enjoying my time with my son, and feeling creative rather than stressed.

In terms of action points, what I get for this month are the following suggestions:

✓  Be nurturing of self and others.
✓  Allow creativity to flow.
✓  Release the need to be strong and do everything for yourself.
✓  Release fears of feeling broken by life's events.
✓  Focus on sensual pleasures: from smelling the flowers to walking in the woods, to cuddling loved ones.

After pulling these cards, I decided that chanting a full mala to Yemaya was appropriate.  After all, she's a mother Goddess somewhat more watery than the Empress, yet still with that feel of abundance, joy and nurturing.  That may have to be my chant for the month, we'll see.  I think I need to go with the flow on that one, and nurture myself through my chanting and meditations however seems best day-to-day...

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Useful Anxiety

Yesterday, I chanted a full mala to Tara, as my son was going into hospital again, which went mainly smoothly.  Not that he enjoyed it, but there were no major problems, and it was useful to determine that we really are doing the right things for him.

This morning, I chose to chant a full mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, just what I felt drawn to, no particular reason.  My mind was a little distracted at the start, and it didn't help that the building site next door started up before I'd finished, but I felt clearer by the end of it.

I also pulled three cards, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).

Tower, Birds, Woman

At the time, I wondered if it was saying I should ring one of the institutions I work with.  However, as the morning progressed, I saw it in a different light.  My anxiety around an institutional deadline prompted me into tapping my intuition, and I had a very productive morning :)

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Meeting In The Middle

This morning, I just did a full mala to Yemaya, focusing on the thought of nurturing and motherhood.  Later, I drew some cards from the Mystical Kipper, as I was stressed out about something that happened at work.

A while back, I made a proposal connected to a team project.  I got the okay from the team leader and the department head, and went ahead with it.  Then, this morning, I picked up an email from the department head telling me that I had done the wrong thing.  Along the lines of, "You're normally great, but you've mucked up this time.  What did you think you were doing?"  It really upset me, so much I went back and checked the correspondence.  I had very clearly stated what the proposal involved, in a simple, three paragraph email.  The bit that the department head is now objecting to was mentioned in both the first and last paragraph of that, and the email was quoted verbatim by the team leader in another email.  So, I felt both vindicated, but also told off.

With that background, I drew the following cards from the Mystical Kipper (Königsfurt-Urania, 2007):

Good Lady, Coming Together, His Thoughts
What I see here is that I did my job appropriately (Good Lady), and that the issue is with the Head's thoughts and ideas - if they expected something different, it was entirely because of stuff in their own head (His Thoughts).  However, the centre card reminds me that I still have to get along with this person.  So, a little rapprochement seems called for.  I wrote one email this morning apologising for the confusion, and directing them to the previous correspondence, and offering some possibilities to make-up for it.  Will see what they come back with, and maybe try to make nice in some other way...

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Weekend Reading

This week has been rather busy and stressful, mainly stuff to do with my day job :(  Anyhow, I didn't actually meditate on Thursday or Friday - one of the downsides of working from home is I don't even have the option of a walking meditation if time is tight...

Anyhow, this morning I was feeling very tired, but still chanted a half mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and a half mala to Yemaya.  It was good to get back to it, and I enjoyed the visualisations to call the circle and open it again: picturing the Goddesses Oya (East), Brigid (South), Cerridwen (West) and Hekate (North), as I called the quarters, and invoking a pentacle to lift above me and spread energy from each point to create a globe of protection around me :)

As is often my practice, I also drew some cards.  Wasn't sure where I was going with it, but when a card fell out, I took it as the theme, and then drew five more.  Shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).

The theme is the Key - what is central to my day, the Key that will unlock the best possible outcomes.  The answer is Sun, Lady, Fish, Book, Man.  So, a day for success and happiness if I can get into the flow, and be decisive in working on a project I want to get finished :)

This makes a lot of sense to me.  As I say, I've been focused on regular work for most of the end of the week, and was focused on my son at the start of the week.  So, all told, I've had no time or energy for other projects in between.  I shall make that my priority for the rest of today!