Sunday, 29 September 2013

Choices Reading

Over the last week, I have met with two obstetricians who were recommended to me by my gynaecologist.  After meeting the first lady, I thought I'd definitely choose her, but after meeting the second guy, I thought I'd choose him.  So, I slept on the decision, and woke feeling fairly certain.  Still, I wanted to see what the cards had to say.

As this is about giving birth, a very female-centric activity, I decided to use my Mythical Goddess Tarot, which I was reminded of when I posted earlier this week about Brigid.  I drew three cards for each consultant, to represent pros, cons and a summary.  My readings are more intuitive than traditional, and admittedly show the choice I felt I'd already come to.  Still, they brought up some interesting points and thoughts, so I'll share them.

For the first obstetrician, I drew the Crone of the Seas (Resurrection) as the pros card.  In this, I see that she is very experienced, and understands the flow of this process.  However, the card gave me a bad feeling.  Firstly, because I worry about being too old to be a mother, and a Crone card is a reminder of that, as I think that this consultant is younger than me.  Secondly, because it feels like she is perhaps very clear about her own strengths, and may overwhelm me.

For her cons card, I drew the Mother of Earth, and this spoke to me straight away.  She said a couple of things in our meeting which I didn't like, basically being negative towards independent midwives, and mocking 'tree huggers who hum'.  Well, I'm a humming tree-hugger!  I know I'll have to have quite a medical birth, given my age and the problems when my son was born.  Still, I haven't given up on it being as natural as possible, active and honouring of my body.

In summary, the Three of Seas seems very positive, subtitled Compassion.  Yet, it makes me wonder about her compassion, and also about her dedication.  She seemed a bit bellicose, talking about arguing against certain midwife practices and against the NICE guidelines (standardised hospital practice).  She may be more into her ideas than into being compassionate towards me as an older mother with a lot of fear.  Looking at the image itself, it shows three dragons swirling about, and I have a sense of her focus being divided.  Her secretary had already told me she might not be able to be there for my actual birth, as she is scheduled to speak as an expert witness at a trial around that time.  And the way she talked likewise makes me think she's focused on proving something generally, rather than being focused on me, my baby, and my birth.

For the second obstetrician, I drew the Ten of Seas as the pros card.  It is subtitled Purity, and I love the image of a memaid, surrounded by water and stars.  There is a feeling of going with the flow, of a beautiful, emotional focus, and a purity of intent.  This represents to me that he is truly focused on me and on the baby.  Though he is a man, he is deeply connected to the feminine, and understands the flow of pregnancy and birth.  Already, at our first meeting, I liked that he wanted to do a scan.  Not to charge me for it (which he didn't), but just to take a look for himself, and "meet" the little one already :)

In the cons position, I drew the Maiden of Earth, subtitled Beauty.  I was talking just yesterday with a friend who'd been to a women's only spa with her sister at the weekend.  I mentioned how I also loved women only gyms, as it's just such a different vibe.  This card reminds me that I may not feel 100% comfortable having a man seeing me in labour.  However, I remember being concerned about that last time round with my DH.  When it came to it, I was just glad to have him there, supporting me, and it certainly hasn't put him off sex (which a couple of our male friends had suggested).

The summary card rounds this up for me: the Ten of Wind.  If there is an issue, it will be in my own worries and concerns, not in the actual situation nor in this man.  So, if I want to go with this consultant (which I do), then I simply have to be aware that my own thoughts could get in my way, and remember that he is pure of intent, focused on the process.  Based on my experience with my DH, I think that when push comes to shove, none of that mental chatter will matter!

12 comments:

  1. Sounds to me like the first doctor has some sort of god-complex and is more interested in furthering her career than caring for patients. I can certainly see why you want to run if in the very first consultation she said something about 'tree huggers who hum'! The very idea. She sounds like a real jerk.

    I think you've already made your mind up. I personally never had any problem at all with male doctors. In fact, I think it's rather sexist to reject a doctor because he's male. Oh, and those idiots who told your DH he'd be put off sex by seeing you give birth ought to be kicked in the crotch! LOL Sorry.

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    1. Ha ha, I kind of agree on the kicking in the crotch bit :) As for the doctor, I think most of them have a bit of a God complex, seems to come with the territory. And while I often feel more comfortable with women when it comes to intimate situations, I think I'll make an exception here!

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  2. This choice is very obvious to me. I'd go for the guy. What an presumptuous woman that is. Sometimes I think that male gynecologists and midwives are more gentle with us when we are in labor. For they can never imagine what we are going through. It is perhaps generalized, but perhaps they have more respect for the wonder of birth
    And you are right "when push comes to shove" it's just you, your DH and the little one :D

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    1. That's an interesting perspective, Ellen! I imagine that people are all different in that, whether male or female. But yes, a feeling of the wonder of birth doesn't require you to have gone through it! :)

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  3. 'When push comes to shove' is a very appropriate turn of phrase. Made me laugh. ;)

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  4. Congratulations first of all! I think the "tree-hugger" comment would have turned me off immediately; I want a doctor who will give me the facts and not be judgmental when I have ideas or questions. Sounds like the fellow you are choosing will be very supportive and helpful. I have a dear friend who found out (a surprise) she was pregnant two days after her fortieth birthday. :) I'm sure you'll do great as an older mom (you'll have the wisdom of experience behind you).

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    1. Thanks! Yes, the "tree-hugger" comments did turn me off straight away, but some of the other things she said made sense to me. As you say, though, he seems far more supportive, and I think that's what I really need, not a crusader :)

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  5. I love my midwife and tend to prefer a woman doctor for birth and that kind of thing. That said, my first two children were delivered by our family doctor who is a man. (My last two were born at home with a midwife) and he was very supportive and kind to me in labor, really an impressive cheerleader. I was very comfortable with him. All that to say, I think you have to go with your gut. The lady doc in this case does sound a bit arrogant.

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    1. Well, arrogance is almost a prerequisite for doctors, isn't it? :D I think I've made the right choice, and seeing as I can't do a double-blind comparison, I'll just live with it. Glad your experiences were all good :)

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  6. I second what Siddaleah said! Go with how they feel to you. The woman does sound a bit self-absorbed and jerky!

    I had a poor experience with my midwife and so did my sister. My mom had very nice midwives, though. Some doctors are jerks, some aren't. Same with midwives. Oy!

    But you will do great either way.

    Much Love,
    MM

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    1. As you say, it probably depends more on the individual than the gender, and I think I'll feel safe with this guy, so that's what matters. Sorry to hear your midwife wasn't great - it's such an important time, too :/ Ah well, we move on, right?

      Huge hugs,
      Kx

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