Sunday, 29 September 2013
As this is about giving birth, a very female-centric activity, I decided to use my Mythical Goddess Tarot, which I was reminded of when I posted earlier this week about Brigid. I drew three cards for each consultant, to represent pros, cons and a summary. My readings are more intuitive than traditional, and admittedly show the choice I felt I'd already come to. Still, they brought up some interesting points and thoughts, so I'll share them.
For the first obstetrician, I drew the Crone of the Seas (Resurrection) as the pros card. In this, I see that she is very experienced, and understands the flow of this process. However, the card gave me a bad feeling. Firstly, because I worry about being too old to be a mother, and a Crone card is a reminder of that, as I think that this consultant is younger than me. Secondly, because it feels like she is perhaps very clear about her own strengths, and may overwhelm me.
In summary, the Three of Seas seems very positive, subtitled Compassion. Yet, it makes me wonder about her compassion, and also about her dedication. She seemed a bit bellicose, talking about arguing against certain midwife practices and against the NICE guidelines (standardised hospital practice). She may be more into her ideas than into being compassionate towards me as an older mother with a lot of fear. Looking at the image itself, it shows three dragons swirling about, and I have a sense of her focus being divided. Her secretary had already told me she might not be able to be there for my actual birth, as she is scheduled to speak as an expert witness at a trial around that time. And the way she talked likewise makes me think she's focused on proving something generally, rather than being focused on me, my baby, and my birth.
In the cons position, I drew the Maiden of Earth, subtitled Beauty. I was talking just yesterday with a friend who'd been to a women's only spa with her sister at the weekend. I mentioned how I also loved women only gyms, as it's just such a different vibe. This card reminds me that I may not feel 100% comfortable having a man seeing me in labour. However, I remember being concerned about that last time round with my DH. When it came to it, I was just glad to have him there, supporting me, and it certainly hasn't put him off sex (which a couple of our male friends had suggested).
The summary card rounds this up for me: the Ten of Wind. If there is an issue, it will be in my own worries and concerns, not in the actual situation nor in this man. So, if I want to go with this consultant (which I do), then I simply have to be aware that my own thoughts could get in my way, and remember that he is pure of intent, focused on the process. Based on my experience with my DH, I think that when push comes to shove, none of that mental chatter will matter!