Friday, 8 November 2013

Messages About Motherhood

This morning, I sat to meditate for the first time all week.  I chanted to the Goddess in her many aspects (Isis, Tara, Oya, Brigid, Cerridwen, Hekate, Kali, Durga, Yemaya).  I thought about drawing a single card from a Lucy Cavendish oracle deck, longing for a simple message.  In the end, though, I shuffled my favourite Lenormand, and when six cards fell out all together, decided to take them as my reading.

(As a side note, drawing six cards made me think about the tradition of drawing uneven lines.  Yet, in the Grand Tableau, the "most traditional" version is the 8x4+4 method, giving an even line.  And many traditionalists argue that you should never consider a Lenormand card individually, and yet they do just that with the middle card as theme!  There's no reason you can't consider the centre two cards as the theme, so that's what I've done here.)

These are the cards, shown here with the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004):

Heart, Dog, Bear, Rider, Clover, Owls
The theme is about messages around motherhood (Bear/Rider), and I read this as saying that I need to be faithful to my emotions (Heart/Dog), and look for a little wisdom (Clover/Owls).  I haven't been paying much attention to my feelings of late, too busy with other things (witness not having meditated all week).  Yet, there are definitely emotional anxieties there (mirroring Heart/Owls), to which I have offered little of my attention (Dog/Clover).  I have faith, though, that connecting with my emotions will help me find a little wisdom about the whole subject.  There are synchronous messages (Rider/Clover) available, perhaps from a friend who is also a mother (Dog/Bear), perhaps from honouring the strength of my loyalty as a mother.

I have been feeling almost angry, and certainly anxious, about my emotionality (such as crying when trying to shop on amazon for a dvd for my own mother for Christmas).  Yet, that is also a resource to tap, if I choose to see it that way.  My emotions are far closer to the surface, far stronger, so I can hopefully learn from them more easily than if they were buried deep.

There are a lot of emotions in me around pregnancy and motherhood: it hasn't been an easy path for me so far.  Yet, I want this time to be different.  I see here, too, a message that small changes can make a huge difference.  This isn't a spread full of big, obvious cards - Ring, Child, Storks, Coffin, or Tree, for instance.  It is about staying loyal in the day-to-day, accepting small joys when they come, feeling my anxiety and learning from it, looking for subtle messages from my body and in my life.

I appreciate the reminder that I need to listen inwardly, pay attention to small signs, and give time to both my children - the one who more obviously needs it, and the one who is not yet able to ask for what is needed.  That I should show a loyal love to this pregnancy, to myself as being pregnant, even if in small and subtle ways like taking aspirin daily and making sure I snooze if I need to.  I shall certainly do my best to heed the cards's wisdom :)

6 comments:

  1. Perhaps this can be an opportunity to work through unresolved issues about pregnancy.
    Don't beat yourself up for having emotions. Be grateful for the extend of your feelings; embrace them and let them go if you want to. All these feeling are a part of this pregnancy Try to enjoy every aspect of it. It will be over far to soon:)

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    1. That's a good point, Ellen. I am certainly trying to work through my issues, and especially my fears, before I actually get around to delivering. And yes, having my emotions stronger is probably helpful in some ways. As for it being over far too soon, we'll see ;)

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    2. I didn't mean to say it like that. Damn my English!!!
      I mean after delivering sometimes you miss being pregnant :)

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    3. No, no, your English was perfectly clear! It's more that while I'm pregnant I can't necessarily see the good bits. I just notice the emotionality, feeling huge, finding it hard to sleep, getting out of breath at the slightest bit of exercise. I feel quite alien to myself, if that makes sense. I also like the thought of a baby growing inside me, and I like feeling when it kicks, but most of the everyday stuff is weird or unpleasant...

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    4. Yes it makes a lot of sense! Good to now it's all clear now :D

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