Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Catch-Up

My chanting practice has been a bit less structured the last few days.  On Sunday I didn't chant at all, as my son's carer arrived two and a half hours late!  On Monday, I chanted silently to Tara while practising yoga, and then did a full mala to her in sitting meditation, as I prepared to take my son into hospital.  On Tuesday, I chanted a full mala to Yemaya, because that was what called to me, a connection with mothering, rather than purely with my son's matron Goddess.  And today, I will go back to the half mala of Om Mani Padme, and the full mala to Yemaya, as I feel the need to remind myself of the importance of compassion, but also to bring nurture to myself and my son.

I also drew some cards today, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).

Man, Bouquet, Dog
My first reading was that I need to bring both logic and beauty to my dealings with friends, and particularly my DH, who I often see as my faithful companion :)  So, no arguments, and try to find pleasant ways to say what needs to be said.

Secondly, I saw a message about bringing a rational approach to creative projects, particularly one which has required a great deal of fidelity.  A need to prioritise logically the work I do on it today.  Okay, time to get busy!

Saturday, 27 July 2013

Back to Tara Again

This morning, I chanted half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and then felt called to chant half a mala to Tara.  I think it's because I'm concerned about my son going into hospital, and so chanting to his matron goddess seemed a good idea.

I also drew some cards, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).

Key, Whips, Letter, Snake, Tower.
My first reading of these related quite specifically to my son's hospital admission.  In the letter we originally got, and a phone call at the start of the week, I was told he should be in by 11.30am, and start fasting from 7.30am.  However, yesterday someone left a message saying he should be in by 10, and fasting from 6, which is a lot worse for him.  The key to overcoming arguments, then, is to rely on what is written, when setting boundaries with an institution.

Not that I just rely on a card reading to decide these things.  Later in the morning I tried calling three different numbers to ask which message I should follow.  Didn't get through on any of the numbers, but you can't say I didn't try.  We may compromise, and stop him eating at 7, and be in for 10.30 :D

My second reading is that insights into clearing out negative patterns come from journalling, a way for me to let go of feelings of isolation.  Once again, that'd be this blog ;)  So, while we're in hospital I may not be able to post, but I will try to keep a journal nevertheless...

Friday, 26 July 2013

How to Cope?

After yesterday's reading, this morning I decided to draw three more cards from the Mystical Kipper (Königsfurt-Urania, 2007) to look at what I can best do to deal with my fears around my son's hospital visit.


This is a far nicer line, though at first glance a little unhelpful: a Nice, Rich Man, a Rich Girl, and Sad News.  Using a traditional, predictive style, it could be read as a Business Man and his Trophy Wife bring sad news.  And how would that help me?  Well, schadenfreude I guess, that they have sad news while I just have some anxiety.  Or, if their news is bad, statistically I have a better chance.  All piffle!

The way I read these is that what will help me is first of all focusing on the abundance in my life.  The abundance of material necessities, and the ability to strategically use them, and the abundance of kind support.  In other words, think carefully about what to pack for the hospital visit to make it as pleasant and easy as possible for my son, and appreciate and accept the support of the kind people around me: that definitely includes you, Eowyn, and you, Magic Mentha!  Finally, to accept that this is a difficult time, and that it's okay to feel sad and worried, yet that prayer and faith will help :)

Thursday, 25 July 2013

Compassion and Fear

Today, I returned to half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum and a full mala to Yemaya, but chanted in the fuller, more resonant way.  My mind wandered to strange places as I chanted, remembering people and situations from my school days.  I think that was triggered by seeing an old school friend last week, whom I hadn't seen in over twenty years!

There was something to my thoughts about being known, and accepted, and showing compassion to others.  I felt bad about a time I asked one guy why he didn't go and find some people who actually liked him!?  Pretty rich from someone who was always an unpopular swot, but I really meant it in a kind way: someone will like you, but it's not us.  Before you think I'm a total bitch, he was behaving inappropriately towards a bunch of girls, pushy, unpleasant and rude.  Still, in my meditation I felt compassion for him: I think he'd been to a boys school up til then, and just hadn't learned to talk with girls.

Later, I decided to draw some cards, and pulled out my Mystical Kipper (Königsfurt-Urania, 2007) for a change.


Yuck, what a line-up!  Here we have A Short Illness, Theft, and Prison.  When I first saw them, I thought about my son going into hospital next week, and how that would steal my freedom and my me-time.  Talking it over with a friend later (the hospital visit as opposed to the cards), I realised how upset I am about it for quite different reasons. 

Depending on how the operation goes, they have said he'll have to be in hospital between 1 and 3 nights.  Far worse, though, is that if there are complications they'll put him in an intensive care unit.  The problem with that is it would be a closed ward, so I wouldn't be able to stay with him overnight, and would be restricted even in the times I could visit him.  Not fun for any child to be in pain, in an unknown place with strangers.  Worse yet for him, as he's non-verbal.  It's unlikely most of the nurses will know the sign language he uses, so he won't be able to communicate at all!  Imprisoned, with even his ability to make himself understood stolen away :(

Hopefully, it won't come to that!  The only comfort I draw from the cards is that the first says a SHORT Illness. So, I pray he'll be back home quickly )O(

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Intuition and Logic

The last few days, I've maintained my practice of half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and a full mala to Yemaya.  A couple of times, I did the chant to Yemaya in a more cut off style: keeping the last syllable to just one beat, rather than the normal two.  It was interesting, as apart from making the chant 20% faster, it also made it feel more directed and to the point.  However, overall I think I prefer the longer, more vibrating count.  It feels more enveloping, which is something I associate with Yemaya particularly, but also with the act of chanting.

I also drew four cards this morning.  The first was a jumper, which I decided to take as the theme, and then three for the reading.  All are shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


The Bear as theme speaks to me of mothering, while Man, Fish and Tower talk of making logical choices about institutional spending.  This makes me think about going to an alternative health practice today, looking for an acupuncturist for my son.  Although alternative, the centre is still an institution that will be taking my money.

So, what constitutes a logical choice when choosing an acupuncturist?  I've seen one of the women who works there before, and she came highly recommended by a friend.  I found her good, but rather ditzy.  That's not just a feeling, though, but based on the fact she ran about half an hour late, and stopped to chat with a friend before seeing me.  I guess I should consider whether they both charge the same, and what hours they are available.  Given the Bear as theme, I shall keep in mind that this is about not who is the best acupuncturist, but who would best suit my son.  And perhaps the Man also speaks to being decisive, not over-worrying the choice ;)

Sunday, 21 July 2013

Peace

This morning, I was up ridiculously early with my son again: from 4.40am, though at least he'd only woken me twice during the night.  So, when I got the chance, I went back upstairs and meditated - half a male of Om Mani Padme Hum, a full mala to Yemaya - and drew some cards, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).

Lily, Mountain, Coffin
Despite two "negative" cards, I read these in a positive light, as saying that blockages to peace would end.  And, whether it was partly through my faith, or just because, it proved true.  When I went back to bed for a nap, I dropped off easily without any help, and got two good naps in, totalling two and a half hours.

I compare that to yesterday, when I went back to bed after meditating, took a herbal sleep supplement, and still didn't manage to nap, despite quite a short and restless night.  One difference was the fact that I had worked all day Saturday, completing one project on my to-do list, and making inroads into another.  They had both been things praying on my mind yesterday, stopping me sleep.

I wonder if there will be any other ways in which I feel more at peace today?  Yesterday, I wanted to practise yoga, but ended up doing step because I was cold.  Though today is colder than yesterday, I'm not feeling it as much.  So, I think I'll also take this as encouragement to do a peaceful yoga practice :D

Saturday, 20 July 2013

Tricky Conversation

This morning, I once again chanted half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and a full mala to Yemaya.  I'm thinking of changing my altar round a bit again, as I've taken Tara off, but with my son's operation coming up in nine days time, it feels like I should have her there, as his matron Goddess.  Will have to think on this a bit more...

I also asked the cards for a spiritual message for the day.  Shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004), I drew Mountain, House, Birds, Spirit Guides.


I read this as saying that a conversation will be required to resolve blockages in the home, and that I should draw on external wisdom to help me in my phrasing and approach.  This makes me think of a tricky situation I have right now with one of my son's carers.  She's had some bad news from home, and needs to take time off.  However, I can't be left in uncertainty about when she's coming back, no matter how much I understand her need to be with her family.  At the moment, she's making no firm commitment to come back any time this year!  And that's a lot of uncertainty.

So, I think I need to talk with her, both to express my support, but also to be clear about our position.  Maybe I can get some help from spirit, or from my mother: both would fit my conception of spirit guides as wise counsellors :D

Friday, 19 July 2013

Predictive Reading

This morning, I pulled three cards as a predictive reading on my DH and I trying for another child.  Then, I realised I'd asked almost exactly the same thing earlier this week.  On Monday, though, I'd asked what I needed to know about it, and the reading was helpful.  This time, I asked whether it would work out, so a slightly different question, asking for a predictive answer.

I don't often do predictive readings, and I even less often post them, as I often feel they are unhelpful.  For most things in life, we have at least some power to affect the outcome, and a predictive reading can mess with our heads, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Which is fine if the cards are good, but not so great if they spell doom and gloom.


Anyhow, I decided to do it anyway, and hope that the positive-ish answer will help me keep my spirits up.  Though the cards don't suggest I'll be able to update any time soon!  I drew from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) and got: Paths, Snake, Sun: a winding path to success.

When I drew these cards from a fan, two other cards fell out on the floor.  I was drawn to look at them, and thought they formed a helpful adjunct to the actual reading: Fox and Lilies.


As always, and even with predictive readings, I tend to take a psychological approach to the cards.  So, in the main reading, I saw the Snake as detours and a winding path, rather than imagining that some other woman is going to affect my choices.  So, too, with the Fox and Lilies, I don't read it saying that an older man will deceive me.  Rather, it speaks to me of using my meditative skills to help me in this question.  If I can find some inner calm, I am likely to better weather the circuitous path that faces me :)

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Walking Meditation

This morning was kinda hectic, so I ended up chanting as I walked: half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and two malas of Yemaya Assesu.  I think I was chanting (silently) faster than normal to match my walking pace :)  Still, I found it quite centring.

Drew three cards for some wisdom for the day: Woman, Tree, Tower.  Shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


I read these as saying that I need to trust my intuition in terms of hospitals and doctors.  Sometimes that means I need to set aside some time to think and meditate on what I'm being told, so I can see whether it feels right to me.  I was a bit upset by something the doctor I saw on Tuesday said, but thinking it through, and talking about it with a friend, I accept that he had a point.  I just hope that I won't have to go the route he suggested, but time will tell...

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Double Reading

Following my reading on Saturday, for the last three mornings I have chanted half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum and a full mala to Yemaya every day.  Yesterday, I also decided to do a reading on my DH and I trying to have another child, though I didn't have time to post it then.   I drew from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) and got: Anchor, Tower, House.


What I read in this is that I need to make sure I feel in my comfort zone.  A couple of pregnancies ago, we went to a fertility clinic, and I really didn't like the ethos, the atmosphere or the people.  So, for my last pregnancy, I went to a doctor who is focused on natural childbirth, and who encourages the use of homeopathy, acupuncture and cranio-sacral osteopathy.  While neither pregnancy worked out, I felt a lot more supported and a lot happier during the second one.  So, this time round I would once again prefer that.  He is a professional who works within an institution, but without being purely institutional.

I was talking yesterday with a friend, and something he said encapsulated my thoughts on this.  He and his girlfriend of 14 years never used contraception, but also never went to a fertility clinic.  They just took a "what will be will be" approach to it.  While he says he may regret not having kids when he's old, overall I get the sense he's happy with that choice.  In the same way, I don't want to try to force anything, or stress out about this.  I hope it'll happen, but I'm not going to put myself through the trials of fertility treatments to do so.

This morning, I asked the cards for a spiritual focus for the day, and got: Dog, Letter, Garden.


The first thing I see in this is the need to contact friends to organise meeting up.  I see that as a spiritual message in the sense that I'm feeling in need of some emotional support, and this is a quite direct way of asking for it.  I also see this reading pointing to blogging - faithful writing in a public setting.  This is a way for me to express myself, to share with others, and to cement my practice.  There is something about faithfully writing about meditation practices that does encourage me to stick to them - I have been far more consistent with my daily meditation since I started blogging about what I actually do :)

As with my Healthy Wholeness blog, the knowledge that I intend to write about what I do, and that someone will read it, does act as an incentive for me to behave in the way that I want to be perceived, or to perceive myself - as a meditator with at least a little self-control and self-discipline :D

Saturday, 13 July 2013

Mothering Instinct

This morning, I felt drawn to pull a card from the Oracle of the Mermaids (Blue Angel, 2013) again.  I heaved a bit of an exasperated sigh when Yemaya came out, but decided to chant to her and see where it took me.  So, I did half a mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and a full mala of Yemaya Assessu.

Overall, I noticed that I feel a lot more positively inclined to Yemaya than I did a few weeks ago when she came up.  While chanting, I felt as though I was being rocked by the goddess, which was pleasant.  And I thought about how I'll be spending most of the day with my son, which is also about mothering.  Despite his issues, I love him so much!  Finally, I also thought about how we are trying to have another child, and was able to bid another soul welcome.  We'll see how that goes...

Friday, 12 July 2013

It's Good To Talk

Both yesterday and today, I chanted a full mala of Om mani padme om with my rose quartz beads.  I have also rearranged my altar a bit, adding in cards for Yamuna Devi, Goddess of Purification, and the Buddha, Lord of Compassion.  This morning, I started out feeling quite emotional (see below), but ended feeling quite relaxed.  Purifying my mind and seeking compassion seems a good place for me right now :)

After the unpleasantness yesterday, I did a nine square reading, which I won't post because it was long, complicated, and a bit too revealing.  Interestingly, though, two of the same cards appeared in this morning's three card draw - Moon, Birds, Clover - shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


Seems that talking about my emotions will bring a little happiness back into my life :)  I already talked a bit with my DH about it, which helped.  I think this comes back to what I mentioned a couple of weeks ago - my sense of responsibility and loyalty to others.  This person who expects something from me that I can't deliver didn't really put me on the spot.  It was my own feelings that did that.

This ties in, as well, with my new moon reading, which I was reminded of when I sat to meditate, as the cards are still out on my altar.  I really do need to let go of these old emotions, and be willing to explore where I am emotionally now, and where I want to be.  Yes, I want to be loyal and responsible, but not at any price.  I need to be clear about where my boundaries are, and not let myself be pushed beyond them by my own feelings of guilt.  If I can be clearer, and more boundaried, then I am less likely to end up comfort eating!

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Evidence

Today, I again chanted a full mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, using a slightly more complicated melodic version, which kept my mind on the chanting better as it was harder for me to achieve.  When I did visualise, I pictured a lotus flower, though that did occasionally lead me into thoughts about the lotus flower painting I have sketched, but not yet coloured :/

As for cards, I asked what message I should hear today and got: Man, Letter, Ship.  Shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


My first reading of this was that written logic brings sea changes.  That's to do with work, where I've been drafting a legal document.  Secondly, I saw something about crafting something tangible for a business venture.  So, I have already taken steps to get something moving on that front.  Finally, after-the-fact, I saw the need for practical evidence of something for trade.  I had to document something for a commercial transaction, more work.

At a more spiritual level, I see a message about making tangible the logic of my spiritual path.  Perhaps this suggests I should actually set down an intention for my meditation over the next few weeks.  Okay, I shall chant a daily mala of Om Mani Padme Hum, and change the cards on my altar to reflect this choice :)

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

New Moon Reading for July

Yesterday was the New Moon, and following what has become my ritual, I drew two cards from the Tarot of the Sidhe (Schiffer, 2011).  These were to look at what I should release over this moon, and what I should embrace.

Interestingly, the answer had some parallels to the reading Eowyn did for me over the weekend.  I need to let go of past sorrows, and instead embrace a sense of emotional openness to the possibilities of life.  Okay, that is a work in progress...

For this morning's meditation, I felt drawn to chant Om Mani Padme Hum, and decided to use my rose quartz mala.  I did a complete mala for the single chant (rather than a half mala each of the two chants to Dhanvantari and Tara).  This is a lovely mantra seeking purification, wisdom and compassion.  Yep, I could do with those!  I also feel the rose quartz, symbol of loving kindness, was more than just a practical choice.

Monday, 8 July 2013

Of Cards, Chants and Clarity

Friday 5th July

For no reason I can fathom, today I felt moved to chant Om Mani Padme Hum, instead of chanting to Dhanvantari or Tara.  I shall just wait and see how I feel tomorrow, as I have completed my sadhana, so there’s no reason I can’t change chants.

Drawing three cards from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004) to look at my day, I pulled House, Coffin, Dog.  Here they are from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).  


My first reading was that I am leaving home to be with a friend - quite true, but not something that is news to me in any way.  Still, I guess it emphasises what it means to me to leave home: leaving behind my son’s constant ill health, but also leaving behind my comfort zone.  And the Dog says not only that I’ll be meeting up with a friend soon, but also talks of my loyalty to my family.  Just because my time with them has ended for today (in fact, I won’t see them again til Sunday), doesn’t mean they’ll be any less in my thoughts.  In fact, the combination could also be read as being homesick due to loyal emotions :)

However, I am determined to make the most of my time away, to be my own best friend and take this break as time to relax, unwind, and enjoy being with a friend doing different things to my regular life...

Saturday 6th July

Unusual day, I chanted Om Shanti following a friend’s lead, as we sat together under some trees.  After the Om Shanti, I did a silent half mala of Om Tare Tuttare Ture Svaha in my head.

My cards for the day were: Birds, Mice, Anchor, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


My first reading of them was, wisdom is reduced by staying in one place, ie. Get your a**e out of the bedroom and get going.  Later, I also saw it saying that anxiety is reduced by connecting with the land - so sitting under a tree to meditate and chant in unison was just perfect :)

Sunday 7th July

I chanted silently on the train home, back to half a mala to Dhanvantari, half a mala to Tara.  

Drawing three cards, I pulled Clover, Child and Paths, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004).


What I saw in this was a childlike happiness about my choices.  Overall, the choices I made today were about very simple things - walk or catch the bus, eat carrots or bread, sit on the ground or on a bench.  There was something very restful about that ;D

I also got a reading from my friend, Eowyn, from Cherlindrea’s Grove, asking how to avoid worrying about something that’s on my mind.  She drew Death, the Hierophant and the Moon, for what to do, what not to do, and the potential outcome.  So, I need to let go of worries based on similar situations in the past, or slay my demons.  I mustn’t get too rigid in my thinking about this, nor rely too much on “institutional wisdom”.  And the outcome is still unclear, so there’s no point worrying about it.  Plus, if it’s still unclear, it could still be positive, as Eowyn pointed out.  Now, how to let go of fears based on my previous experiences, that’s my next question, I guess...

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Tara's Chant-dala

Yesterday, my throat was too sore to chant out loud, so I chanted inwardly with my mala beads, and also focused on visualising writing the words as I chanted them.  It worked so well, that today I decided to try actually writing and silently chanting.  The result is what I'll call a chant-dala :D

However, I found that actually writing with real pens, and especially swapping between colours, meant that I had to chant a round while writing, a round while capping and uncapping the next pen.  Altogether, it wasn't anywhere near as meditative as chanting and visualising the letters appearing.  Interestingly, too, my visualisation included a kinaesthetic element - I could almost feel my hand moving to shape the letters!

So, I will definitely chant and visualise writing again.  I think I may also experiment more with chant-dalas and chantangles, but perhaps only in one colour...

Monday, 1 July 2013

Another Dream-Inspired Reading

On Saturday, I drew three cards from the Mystical Kipper (Königsfurt-Urania, 2007) to look at what to expect on Sunday, when we had my parent's 10th Wedding Anniversary party to attend.  I got:

A False Person, A Long Way, A Pleasant Letter.
Before the party, I thought this might be about me telling some fibs, given we've a few Christian fundamentalist in the family.  Also, us having to travel a lot, and it being overall a nice invitation to have received anyhow.

After the party, my take on the first card was rather different.  I didn't really hold back, even with the Christian family members.  However, several people said what a wonderful mother I was, and that made me feel like a total fake!

It's not that I wasn't behaving with my son exactly the way I would have at home.  Rather, it's that I know all the less-than-charitable thoughts I've been having about him recently, given the lack of sleep and all the worries about surgeries and health generally.  Sometimes, I really wish I didn't have to cope with all of this, and I don't "get" what I should be learning from this life lesson :(

Tierney Sadler wrote last week about deity being absolute love, so that we can never have offended deity, nor be in spirit's bad graces through some perceived human infraction.  Yet, I sometimes feel like this life is a trial, and I don't get why I need to suffer this.  Still, Tierney suggests that everything happens to our benefit, and so I ask again, what is the benefit in my son suffering so horribly, and us along with him?  This is one of the reason's as a child that I couldn't believe in the Christian God - what loving God would make children starve to death all over the world?

Coming to paganism, I found more of a sense of the overall lovingness of the Universe, without the idea of a specific deity who is all-seeing, all-knowing, and still allows such pain and suffering.  The notion that overall the Universe is a loving place, a source of creativity.  Yet, also that we have to make our own way in it, and that life is not necessarily good or bad.  Just that we may enjoy it more or less, but that is up to us and our attitude to what we experience, with an emphasis on buddhist non-attachment.  And still, on days like the last few, I question, how can a loving Universe create such a horrible situation?

Then, last night, I had a really powerful dream.  One of those ones where you wake up and remember almost everything, but also where the emotions are really strong.  Even now, after two more naps, I remember it.  I'll not bore you with the whole thing, but the relevant bit for my reading this morning is that walking at Lisa Frideborg Lloyd's side down a corridor, I could hear angelic voices.  I walked on around a corner without her to avoid someone nasty who had tried to steal some herbs Lisa offered me, but then I couldn't hear the angels any more.  So, I went back to Lisa, and was able to pinpoint the angel's voices and listen to their golden singing.

I generally take the Gestalt therapy approach to dreams, seeing in each person or object an aspect of myself.  Here, then, it made me wonder: what aspect of Lisa do I need to emulate in order to be able to connect with deity directly?  And, what message are the angels trying to send me?  Writing this now, I wonder whether I should also have drawn a card about the "nasty" person and their role, but I didn't...  Instead, I drew two cards from the Oracle of the Mermaids (Blue Angel, 2013).

Oracle of the Mermaids
What aspect of Lisa do I need to emulate in order to be able to connect with deity at this time?  Receptivity

So, I need to allow myself to be more open to messages from spirit, like I have been with this dream.  I love the look of the bird carrying a little gift to the mermaid.   That says something to me about the gifts and messages I can find in nature, and also in song.  So, more chanting for me ;)

I also note the juxtaposition of the watery mermaid and the bird in flight.  How can I bring a more emotional approach to the messages I receive?  I know I tend to be somewhat Swords-y, rather mental and logical, and that is certainly not the most receptive of outlooks...

Oracle of the Mermaids
What message do I need to hear?  Yearning

This one is far harder for me to interpret.  The first thing I see is my own yearning for a more "perfect" or joyful life.  Kinda Five of Cups-y, and definitely what my last new moon reading warned me against!  Longing for the impossible is not going to make it happen, it's just going to stop me from dealing with what is and finding the beauty in life and my connection with deity.

I also see a message that there is a yearning in me to connect with the divine, which is obvious in my questioning and in my dream. Perhaps this says something about what I seek in that connection: a sense of homecoming, a safe port in the storm of life.

Maybe, too, something about the polarities within ourselves, as well as the world.  Although I know these things aren't absolutes, there is still a human perception of the separation of male and female, mermaid and human, earth and water.  In fact, ultimately, all matter is energy, it is all the same at a base level.  Which returns me to spirit as a single thing, undivided.  Yet, it also says that spirit is not good or bad, not love or hate: it just is.  So, perhaps I have also been idealising spirit.  Spirit is life, and connection.  That includes love, but is not limited to it.  Perhaps, after all, I need to redefine my notion of deity.

To come back to the beginning, after the dream and my Oracle of the Mermaids reading, I see the Mystical Kipper reading in a different light.  Yes, I felt like a fake, it was a long way to the party, and I had fun for the most part.  Yet, I also read these cards as saying that relinquishing my false Self is a long journey, the journey of a lifetime, and that listening to such messages from spirit as I received through my dream is a step on that path.