Saturday, 4 January 2014

Feel The Fear

As I've been thinking about my fears around giving birth, and how to allow myself to feel them and deal with them, I decided to draw some cards on the subject.  I was tempted into the Mah Jonng Oracle (Thunder Bay Press, 2012) by Magic Mentha, so I did my first draw on this subject.  According to the companion book, normally a reading is done with 13 cards from the full 144 cards (4 sets of 34 identical cards, with an additional 8 guardians).  However, that sounded like rather a lot to start with.  So, I used the basic design of the traditional reading - East, South, West, North and Centre - with just one card in each position, taken from the base 42 cards.

Centre - The Question - Insect:  Keywords here are industry and skill.  This is the industry of the ant, or of the silkworm.  It speaks of  continued effort over time, and of community.  So, at the heart of the question is the idea that overcoming my fears will take some work, and some support.

East - The Querent - Earth:  I need to be grounded and practical, stable.  Whatever helps with that will help me deal with this fear.

South - The Near Future - Phoenix:  This is a card of joy, especially when found in the South.  There can be joy in this experience, if I face my fears with determination.  I see it also as rising from the ashes of my previous birthing experience.  I can allow that to strengthen me, rather than weaken me.  Use the knowledge gained from that to have a very different experience this time around.

West - The Objective - Scholar:  This is one of the Guardian cards, and represents learning and wisdom.  So, I need to learn from the past, but also research and study now, based on what is happening with this pregnancy.  Yesterday, I wrote up a birth plan, then saw my obstetrician.  That visit made me rethink what I'd just written.  My plan had included something fear-based.  And this pregnancy seems to be going very well.  It might be worth putting in the fear-thought as a contingency, but not letting it rule this birth experience, especially as I now have more information about different forms of "best practice", which I wasn't aware of before.

This card also reminds me that I bought some hypnobirthing CD's last time around, and haven't yet listened to them this time.  Also, I booked some antenatal classes yesterday.  All these are good, practical things to do, to make me as well-prepared as I can be for the 'test' of this birth.

North - The Outcome - Duck:  The keywords for this card are fidelity and partnership :)  This is a reminder, firstly, that I should include my DH in these preparations as much as possible.  Going through this experience together can help unite us all the more, if we let it.  Secondly, it reminds me that this is about the start of a relationship with this new child.  Keeping that in mind will help motivate me to do the work that needs to be done - that's what you do for someone you love!

Altogether, I found this reading helpful, and the cards are quite lovely.  It'll definitely take some learning, but I like this deck...

14 comments:

  1. Sorry I don't like the deck, but I love the reading. It is true that grounding activities releases fear. Try baking a cake and you will relax instantly.:D
    I wish you many peaceful hours and trust in yourself, your body and God(des)
    Gentle hugs

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    1. I haven't baked a cake in a while… Still, I find going for walks, yoga and exercising quite grounding, too. As well as meditating, and playing with my son. Plenty of options to choose from :D
      Thanks for the gentle hugs - lovely!

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  2. It is hard not to let past experiences wash over and color our present experiences, but I think you are on the right road: This is a new birth and a different child who deserves to be loved and nurtured with your full attention in the now. Create a touchstone to ground you in this idea! Gentle hugs to you.

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    1. Yes, I like your touchstone idea. Will have to meditate on what would work… :)

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  3. I like your new look! This makes me want to revamp my blog. I haven't even read this post yet, will return to do so after I play around with my blog, ha ha. :)

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    1. Yes it it lovely; especially with your painting in the background. :)

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    2. Tee hee, I haven't revamped Neopagan since I started blogging here back in 2012, so it was well overdue! And I liked the idea of incorporating my word for the year into it - though I thought it was fairly subtle. Still, it also means I won't be seeing anyone else with the self-same template! :D
      Nice revamp Eowyn - cleaner :)

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  4. Ohhh...nicely read! I figured you would be a natural with this deck. I love the modified spread you used! I may have to try that. Hugs!

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    1. It's an interesting system, and the cards are very pretty, though I hadn't realised how small they are. Good for large readings, I guess. And the fact that you can potentially get the same card in 4 different positions will add an interesting twist if/when I work up to that…
      Will look forward to reading about it if you try these cards out some more :)

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    2. Yes. It definitely is different, isn't it? I found it intimidating to do a huge reading, too. So I opted not to, although I realize it's kinda set up to work well that way. I love the way you used it. I kinda like that you can get repeat cards. Sometimes I work with more than one tarot deck for that reason--so I can get a repeat message.

      I will definitely use them more. I have used them on the blog a little bit but not enough. Maybe I will go ahead and use them again tomorrow.

      XOXO,
      MM

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  5. Nice reading, very comforting and reassuring for you. I have a strong feeling that everything is going to be very routine and the fine. :)

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  6. Very nice reading! I've given birth 4 times, two in hospitals and two at home, and I've spent all 4 pregnancies afraid and nervous about the birth, but what was true about every birth (and they were all very different from each other) is that the very act of childbirth has a way of pulling you fully into your body. There isn't a lot of room for fear, which comes from thinking more than anything (there are moments of fear, but only during the quiet times. lol) So, just know, that in the moment you will do whatever you need to do, and those around you will support you in the best way they can. I wish for you a peaceful and powerful birthing experience that helps you heal from the previous bad experiences.

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    1. Thank you, Siddaleah, that is heartening! It's been really helpful to think over what happened last time, and plan to do things differently. Then, as you say, once you're in the process you are in it, but I need the reassurance now, and I think that added confidence will also be a support to lean into when I'm in it :)

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