Sunday, 16 February 2014


Last week, my mum sent me through a link to the 2014 Tapping World Summit.  Tapping, or EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), is something I've been aware of for at least seven years - I had a session with an EFT practitioner back then, but I didn't like him very much, and didn't continue with it. However, my mother is a very sensible woman (a Virgoan, and down to earth).  And thinking about the potential for releasing fears, I was reminded that I still feel a lot of fear around the birth of my second son, hopefully in about 4 weeks time.  So, I decided to take another look at it.

I had a look through one book, and at a couple of websites, and decided to start tapping on my fear that something will happen to my second son during his birth.  However, as I tapped, the sentence that kept coming up was actually "I am afraid to see my son suffer" and I started to cry.

I realised that this is not just about my unborn baby, but also about my first son.  Sometimes, I have felt I don't spend enough time with him, I'm always glad when he can go to school, or when he is sleeping peacefully.  I think this may be part of that fear of seeing him suffer.  My son has pain every day of his life, and that can be really hard to watch as a mother.  Knowing I can't prevent it, just try to help make it less bad, or more tolerable, is a hard place to be.  And of course, the two are also related: it's because I have to watch my first son suffer on a daily basis that I am so afraid something bad could happen to my second son.

This acted as a powerful reminder for me of why these "self-help" techniques may often not be used by people.  It's not that they don't work, but that they take work: a willingness to explore our pain, our baggage, our fears.  This is something that I will continue with - after all, the birth is fast approaching, and I don't want my fear to potentially create the very thing I am afraid of!

Saturday, 15 February 2014

Self-Love Spread

Dang, it's been a long time since I posted here!  Life has been ├╝ber-crazy, and I've been exhausted.  Still, when I saw this spread over on Greylady's Hearth, I thought it the perfect thing to get me back in the tarot vibe.  Self-Love is definitely something I could do with focusing on a bit right now.  I decided to use the Crystal Visions Tarot (U.S. Games, 2011), which is my go-to deck for relationship readings - I love it's softness, its girly colours, and the fact that it is also beautiful and deep.

1) Relationship to Self - What is your relationship with your Self like?  The Star

After a couple of readings last month, it's lovely to see the Star again, and as the card representing my relationship to Self!  I am hopeful and generous with my Self, open to the magical and to spirit.  It's funny, I wouldn't have expected this card here, but it is wonderful to see.  It makes me think that it really is lack of time and other life stresses, rather than lack of ability or desire, that is keeping me from being as loving and generous to my Self as I would like to be.

2) Admirable Qualities - The parts of yourself that are easy to love.  The Hierophant

Well, this one set me back!  The Hierophant as the parts of me that are easy to love?  And yet…  It is easy to love myself when I "follow the rules", when I do the things I expect of myself, and that others expect of me.  Perhaps, too, going with a more spiritual reading, it is easy for me to love the part of myself that embraces spirituality and the divine, that attempts to live my beliefs :)

3) Disowned Self - Your shadow aspects, that need more love and acceptance.  The Hanged Man

Yet another Major: the Hanged Man.  I need to love and accept the part of me that is passive, that isn't always "doing".  This made me think of a German song from at least a decade ago, that had the line "I want to be a human being, not a human doing."  I need to accept the part of me that is able to let go and accept inactivity, accept not being in charge.  That's definitely not an easy one for me, but I can see why it's important.  Especially now, as I wait for my second child to be born...

4) Release - Judgements and expectations you need to release to be more loving to you.  Three of Wands

Well, the 3 of Wands seems to directly link to the last card.  I need to release my expectations of myself, that I should be doing and achieving.  I need to let go of the idea that I have a path to follow, and that I should have a clear vision, a guiding light, along that path.  This melds with the idea of accepting uncertainty, not knowing, and not being in charge.

5) More love - Something loving and nurturing you can do for yourself right now!  Justice

What I can do now to be more self-loving is to look with gentle clarity at all that has gone before, accept and embrace it.  It's interesting to see this angel with a sword.  She is cutting away what is not needed, those judgements and self-criticisms that wound.  And she is balancing out what was with what is, all in a gentle and loving way.  Self-acceptance and cutting out negative self-judgements seem to be key.

This is a beautiful spread, and though some of its messages surprised me (the Hierophant), and others feel quite challenging (just being), I shall try to heed its advice!