Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Learning From My Fears

The Yin Empress from the Kuan Yin Oracle cards (Blue Angel, 2012) has come up for me three times in the last seven days.  The book talks about healing, and about living according to feminine principles rather than getting caught up in having to do things the "traditional" Western way.

At first, I associated this to working in a more heart-centred way, as Little Red talked about in one of her recent posts.  Then, yesterday, I associated it with my mother, undergoing her operation and needing some of that healing, and perhaps a feminine approach to recuperation - I sent her lots of pics of the baby, a reminder of some of the things she has to live for :D

Today, I was doing another of the hypnosis meditations in my favourite weight-loss package, and the exercise was about releasing fears, starting with your very first memory of fear.  What came up for me were two different memories, both very early.  In one, my mum went away on holiday, and I dreamed every night that she'd been eaten by a tiger or died of a swamp disease (okay, didn't really get that she had only gone to France, lol!)  In the other, I went to visit some of my German relatives on my own, and was afraid of the shadows in the bedroom at my aunt's house overnight.  I realised that both of these memories involved my mother not being there, perhaps unsurprising given she's currently in hospital.  Although I know it's a fairly routine procedure, the fear of losing her is still there.

However, after the exercise to render the fears powerless, the last part of that meditation included going to a safe place and meeting an aspect of Spirit, learning from them, and absorbing their loving energy.  And there I met the Yin Empress.  She reminded me that Spirit is always with me, a loving, feminine presence, even if my mother is not there in the moment.  It felt powerful and reassuring.  So, not just a superficial stop-eating-so-much-junk message from this package, it has some real emotional depth!

I am grateful for my mother: her beautiful, loving presence; her wisdom; her sense of humour; her belief in intuition and divination; her work as a healer; her willingness to question and explore; her kindness.

8 comments:

  1. What a lovely, honest post Kerry. Your mother sounds like a wonderful person - no wonder your heart strings are being plucked by fear with her in the hospital! May you both be wrapped in a quilt of comfort, strength and healing.

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    1. Thank you, Bev! It's a reminder for me, too, that we never stop being a mother, or a daughter, no matter how old we or our children are :)

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  2. This is beautiful Kerry.What a profound experience you've had.. Fear of losing loved ones is inherent to loving them so much. And as the Yin Empress is there for you, she will be also there for you mother, because you are both her daughters :)
    Sending you lots of love and hugs

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    1. Thank you, Ellen! You're so right, Kuan Yin is there for all who need her, full of compassion and love.
      Sending you warm hugs!

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  3. What an amazing exercise Kerry... I wouldn't know how to begin going back to release my very first memory of fear! It's fascinating how many areas of our lives fear can touch though - how much of us it's influencing at any one time.

    I haven't read it (yet) but I just love the title of the famous self-help book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I love how it doesn't say 'hide/overcome/suppress your fears'. Fear is part of being human - it's what we do with it that counts.

    What an interesting oracle deck, too - I've never seen it. As you said, I've been thinking a lot about the way we/I work lately, trying to ensure that my 'work' isn't a separate thing to my 'life', that all elements of me are involved in whatever I'm doing, moment to moment, rather than the compartmentalisation we are taught and which I tried very hard to practice (physically, mentally and emotionally) when I first became self-employed.

    Much love and strength to your mum at what sounds like a really difficult time. x

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    1. Ha ha, Beth, I haven't read it, either, though I've had it for over a decade. Yet, just the title has often inspired me :D

      And yes, it feels important for my life to be of one piece, not broken down into bits, and not limited to "do this for that" thinking. Trying to see things more holistically - healing is not just about the medicines you take but also about your state of mind.

      Many thanks for your good wishes! Kx

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  4. Awww what a lovely heart felt post ((((Kerry)))). What a beautiful card!

    The Great Mother, our mother's, grand mother's and great grand mother's always watch over us and hold us in their heart of their hearts.

    Prayers to your mum for a speedy recovery, and blessings to you Kerry <3

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    1. Thank you for your prayers and blessings, Cath. And yes, it gives me hope to think of the Goddess in all and any of her aspects holding us in her heart :) <3

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