Sunday, 21 December 2014
Yule New Moon Tonglen Spread
And the younger one is teething - he now has two teeth, where last week he had none. He's not doing too badly with it, but has been a lot more restless at night, which doesn't help me cope better with the first one's more serious issues. What has helped, though, is practising tonglen, after reading about it on Bev's Lojong for the Layperson site.
Today is Yule, the longest night, and a new moon to boot. So, definitely a time of darkness. Rather than my normal release-embrace spread, I decided to try something based around tonglen. I drew from the Chrysalis Tarot (US Games, 2014):
1) What will help me sit with the darkness right now? - Five of Spirals (Wands)
2) What will help me transform it into light? - Kali - XVI The Tower
It's true, too, that with my elder son I took literal action: making phone calls to various doctors and their secretaries, to our dental practice, taking him to an emergency dental service (he has two sets of teeth in places, as his baby teeth haven't fallen out, but his adult teeth are growing in regardless), organising a prescription for a new, stronger pain killer, and getting him seen by the community nurse (all this in about six hours on Friday).
Still, even with all this action, there is no "solution". I still have to accept that sometimes all I can do is hold his hands and gaze into his eyes while he cries in pain, unable to tell me why. That's really hard! Knowing I've done all I can is one of my fireballs, and being willing to hold him and hug him and tell him that I'm there with him in his suffering is another.
Of course, it makes sense that transformation requires a radical letting go. Perhaps I need to do another Kali sadhana… Or simply remember that I really have no power to control some things. All I can do is face my fears with courage, and call on the Goddess for her support.