Sunday, 21 December 2014

Yule New Moon Tonglen Spread

This week has been a tough one!  My elder son was in screaming agony for 24 hours, and we're still not totally sure why, though there are a number of possible reasons.  His pain was so bad that he literally tore his hair out - he now has a bald patch about 5cms in diameter.  It makes my heart bleed to see him like that!

And the younger one is teething - he now has two teeth, where last week he had none.  He's not doing too badly with it, but has been a lot more restless at night, which doesn't help me cope better with the first one's more serious issues.  What has helped, though, is practising tonglen, after reading about it on Bev's Lojong for the Layperson site.

Today is Yule, the longest night, and a new moon to boot.  So, definitely a time of darkness.  Rather than my normal release-embrace spread, I decided to try something based around tonglen.  I drew from the Chrysalis Tarot (US Games, 2014):

1) What will help me sit with the darkness right now?  - Five of Spirals (Wands)
2) What will help me transform it into light? - Kali - XVI The Tower

1) What will help me sit with the darkness right now is the willingness to face it down with fierceness, to cast balls of light into that dark abyss!  I need to take action, to feel that I am doing something to counter the dark, even if it is something as metaphorical as tonglen.

It's true, too, that with my elder son I took literal action: making phone calls to various doctors and their secretaries, to our dental practice, taking him to an emergency dental service (he has two sets of teeth in places, as his baby teeth haven't fallen out, but his adult teeth are growing in regardless), organising a prescription for a new, stronger pain killer, and getting him seen by the community nurse (all this in about six hours on Friday).

Still, even with all this action, there is no "solution".  I still have to accept that sometimes all I can do is hold his hands and gaze into his eyes while he cries in pain, unable to tell me why.  That's really hard!  Knowing I've done all I can is one of my fireballs, and being willing to hold him and hug him and tell him that I'm there with him in his suffering is another.

2)  Irony, thy name is Kali.  Before my elder son was born, the Tower came up for me a lot.  And it's true, he shattered my sense of security, of understanding what the world is about, of trusting that I was, to an extent, "safe".  Now, though, what can help me transform this darkness is precisely embracing Kali's power to cut through old beliefs, her ability to scare away the demons with her fierceness, her willingness to shatter the old.

Of course, it makes sense that transformation requires a radical letting go.  Perhaps I need to do another Kali sadhana…  Or simply remember that I really have no power to control some things.  All I can do is face my fears with courage, and call on the Goddess for her support.

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Supporting Friends

Today, I wanted to draw some cards, and pulled out a Lenormand deck.  Cards shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004):

Birds, Dog, Stork
What I read here is a message of talking with friends about progress, or to help bring progress.  And it rings true for my day, I've already spoken with three different friends, one of whom specifically asked about my plans for next year.  With another, I talked about no longer eating sweet stuff, as she is trying to improve her diet.  And with the third, we talked about ways to bring a positive change for my elder son, who is currently rather poorly.

Now, that might all sound very everyday, but to be honest there are some days when I don't leave the house (yesterday, for instance), and hardly talk to anyone other than my DH.  A lot of my friendships are largely online, and with the baby not liking me looking at the computer, it can be tough.  If these were traditional friendships, we'd meet up in person and he'd come along and probably be quite happy playing while we chat.  Anyhow, today I did actually get out, and saw two of these friends in person, while the third was online.

Another thing it made me think about, though, is about proactively talking with a friend who has been feeling anxious (another interpretation of the Birds).  I'd like to help her move to a better place, mentally and physically.  So, I'll do a bit of research, and see if I can't send her some helpful suggestions…

I also just realised that the first two cards, in the exact same position, came up in last week's reading.  Interesting how different the interpretation is with a third card in the mix, and the difference in context!

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Loyalty and Community

There's so much going on at the moment, a lot of it connected with cards, that I've barely taken time to actually draw cards for myself.  However, a German forum I'm a part of sent me a reminder that I hadn't visited in a while, which triggered me to pull some cards.  Just a quick line of three, shown here from the Mystical Lenormand (Königsfurt-Urania, 2004). 

Birds (talk/anxiety),  Dog (loyalty), Coffin (ending)
At a basic level, I read that talking about loyalty brings an ending, which makes sense in that I'm thinking of changing bank after many years, and due to go in to talk to someone about it today. 

At a deeper level, bringing in the Houses gives me:
1) Birds (12) - Child (13), new
2) Dog (18) - Garden (20), community/social
3) Coffin (8) - Whips (11), arguments

Anxiety over a new project that has me thinking about community loyalty and may require working to end old arguments.  It's true, I'm really excited about a new project, yet also worried.  I'm not sure I have the patience to deal with some of the arguments, nor the skill to put them to bed.  Perhaps I need to face that some arguments will never go away entirely, dragging on like a prolonged illness (another meaning of the Coffin).  We'll see.  For the moment, though, I'll just focus on the community side of things, and that loyalty...